I'm back!

Much time has passed since I've posted an entry. And with time has come alot of changes. Five days ago our oldest son left for college. I'm taking it kinda hard. I'm the kind of mom that loves taking care of her boys. I love doing for them and I love being needed. Therefore, this change is quite an adjustment for me. After 18 years, it is difficult to let them go and do for themselves. Don't get me wrong. Our boys are very independent and very able-bodied. They will all be fine when the time comes to leave. They are secure with who they are and worldly enough to tackle 'head-on' whatever comes there way. The problem lies with me. I'm simply struggling with the fact that he is no longer within my grasp. I will not know when he is home safely in his bed at night. I won't be there to make sure everything is okay. I won't be able to see him daily, look in his eyes and know that all is right in his world.

I will pray alot. I know that we have done a good job teaching him right from wrong. I know he will try new things and I know it may not be something I would have chosen to do. I know he will learn from any mistakes he may make. I realize he is journeying thru life, the way he is suppose to. With technology the way it is today, I know I am a phone call, email or text message away.

He came home for the night yesterday. Just a quick stop in before classes start tomorrow. I was so happy to see him. I didn't cry when we took him to school but everyday since then has gotten slightly more melancholy. When i got home yesterday and he was sitting in the living room, I smiled. I felt a rush of emotion and a big knot formed in my throat. I motioned for him to follow me to my room. I made him lay on my bed and I held him like a five year old and I cried. I had to let it out. Tough as I am, it was more than I could handle.

I'm better now and I realize he will be fine. Maybe it wasn't right for me to show him how sad I was. But, the way I see it, I've never kept my emotions from him before, why start now. He loves me, I know. He may be 18 and not show it all the time. But, I know he loves me.